Walking into my Ma’s house during the holiday season always reminds me of being a kid. As soon as you walk in the door you get punched in the face by a taste-tastic blend of cookies, Christmas tree, and just enough rum to make it a happy holiday season. When I started living on my own I tried to copy this smell, however, not having fully developed my crafty bitch powers mixed with copious anxiety brought on by end of term finals meant I didn’t have the time or energy to put into it. So, what’s a junior crafty bitch in training meant to do? I bought a candle! Whomp, whomp.
The problem with Christmas candles, mon petite bon-bons, is that they come in three scents: Vanilla, which is generally tasty but is a smell of any day of the year, evergreen, which is supposed to smell like a snow-filled forest or some bullshit but ends up something more akin to Pine-Sol, and Winterberry. Winterberry is a variety of holly and, for anyone who doesn’t know, real holly actually smells like a big fat sack of…. wait for it…. nothing! In an open statement to the candle companies of the world I would like to say:
I’m all about the commercialization of Christmas, but don’t scrape the bottom of the aroma pot, slap a stock-photo on the packaging, and tell me it’s the smell of heart-warming seasons to come.
In an effort to combat shitty holiday marketing ploys, my friend Marlena, who I will now refer to her only as Ms. Cardigan, likes to pull a fast one on her guests and make her own easy-peasy, air-freshener at X-Mas time; or as I like to call it an air-holidizer. Because being a true crafty bitch is partially being a lazy bitch, she captures all of the dee-lish smells of Christmas with a fraction of the work. So I’ve decided to steal her idea, tailor it to the autumn season, and take all of the credit. Huzzah!
So, here goes:
What you’ll need:
1 medium sized sauce pan
2 cups of water
|1 cinnamon stick|
|2 apple peels|
|Spices: ½ tbsn ginger, ½ tbsn of nutmeg, ½ tbsn of all spice|
|1 vanilla bean or 2 tbsns of vanilla extract|
|1 cinnamon stick|
|1 orange peel|
|1 tbsn of ginger|
|About 4 tbsns of needles from an evergreen tree (think the park, tree farm, etc.). We’re an artificial tree family, so this ingredient rocks my reindeer socks off.|
Slap your ingredients and water in a pot and turn on the oven. Let your aromatic mixture sit on the lowest heat and if you notice it getting a little dry add some water. I’m not going to be like the candle-company hoodlums and tell you not to leave your mixture unattended, but I will say don’t be an idiot and burn your house down.
Try your own different concoctions at home—although I recommend not making a smell of spring air-freshener as a whiff of simmering grass isn’t as delightful as it sounds.
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice,
Song of the Day: